So much is going on tonight, you may need some help breaking everything down.
1: WWE Royal Rumble 7:30PM EST PPV
Yes, PPV is taking time away from ‘Wild & Sex Crazed Roommates‘ and ‘Real Nasty Pornstars‘ to show family orientated programming like the WWE. Finally, The Rock has come back, to Phoenix. CM Punk vs. The Rock for the WWE Championship is shaping up to be a great match; and the fact that if The Shield interferes, Vince McMahon will strip Punk’s title means The Shield will definitely play a part tonight.
As far as the Royal Rumble 30 man match for a Championship spot at WrestleMania XXIX goes; I literally spent half a work day looking at the history and records of this event. If the WWE was real enough to allow for some kind of sabermetrics, this event would have me over analyzing starting spots for days on end.
Best part of tonight has to be getting an update into how thick Cody Rhodes mustache is getting.
2: Monster Squid: The Giant 8:00PM EST Discovery Channel
Unlike the bullshit Sasquatch shows about like ‘Finding Bigfoot’ on Animal Planet and ‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’ on TLC (Never watched the show, but I am assuming one of the story lines is that June “Mama” Shannon is some kind of missing link; if that is not the case an Executive Producer needs to lose their job); we know before the premiere that this will show actual evidence. Previews have already be uploaded to the the tube, and somehow James Cameron doesn’t seem to be involved. Without him, I can still see this being a hoax.
Question, are James “Bobo” Fay and June “Mama” Shannon related?
3: 60 Minutes 7:00PM EST CBS
We will miss 60 Minutes next week for the Super Bowl, but looks like we are getting an all-star episode tonight with a joint interview with President Barack Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, as they get softball questions and make sure the word “terrorism” never comes up. Also tonight, breaking down the Oprah Winfrey interview with Lance Armstrong, featuring U.S. Anti-Doping Agency CEO Travis Tygart.
4: Shameless 9:00PM EST Showtime
The story line of this show doesn’t have me watching anymore, all I really care about is seeing the content rating before the episode for nudity, to make sure it is one of the 95% of all Shameless episodes that features Emmy Rossum half naked.
5: NFL Pro Bowl 7:00PM EST NBC
With the most defense of Pro Bowl weekend already occurring to Trent Williams, what is the point of watching this game? Somehow this game will break last years record of TV shares, but something needs to change to make this game worth seeing.
What if you take a page from the NHL, and instead of USA vs The World, you divide teams into ‘Players Arrested 3+ Times’ vs ‘The Field’; each year the arrest number can be adjusted to equal out the teams, but who wouldn’t watch that. The only fear is that the betting line will be too high in favor of the convicts.
6: DVR of last night’s SNL, with Host Adam Levine DVR or Hulu
Remaining shows are starting to go down hill, may be time to hit up the DVR from last night.
Finally, SNL seems back on track after that terrible Jennifer Lawrence showing. When the opening monologue gives you Adam Samberg, Cameron Diaz, and Jerry Seinfeld you know Lorne Michaels is saying sorry. SNL made sure to stick with the basics of explicit gay jokes, lots of dancing, a digital short, a musical guest that makes you say “oh, that guy sings that song, let me just fast forward through this performance,” and a crossing the line final sketch that seemed like it was changed last minute to either push the line farther or was scaling something back that was completely off the wall and never expected to make it to air with “Adam and Janet.”
7: Girls 9:00PM EST HBO
As Shameless has become my instant Viagra of nudity ratings, Girls has become anti-Zoloft. Watching Girls is like watching a car crash; it is so painful, yet I can’t look away. I would not be surprised to see if this show is found to have subliminal messages that turn young adults males into homosexuals after showing hours and hours of why young adult females are terrible. Below is a copy of a Lena Dunham rant from a work fantasy football league email sent back in October (audience including my manager and my manager’s manager):
“Not to get too political, but with the Presidential Debates now over, looks like Obama’s campaign is now using Lena Dunham to capture the recent college grad, not able to get a real job with your communications degree, just start a blog and think it will lead to TV and book deal, audience… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6G3nwhPuR4“
I am trying to remember want rant led to bringing this up int he email; but it looks like I was all over the place as the email also included a link the Goldust’s Entrance Video (yes, another Cody Rhodes connection in the post):
8: MTV marathon of Buckwild 7:00PM EST MTV
Never has a show made me want to visit a state or college more than Buckwild and West Virginia and WVU in Morgantown. Let’s Go… Mountaineers. Let’s Go… Shain. Holler, Holler, Holler. I have not watched an episode other than live on Thursdays, not sure if this has the staying power for multiple views.
9: Here Comes Honey Boo Boo 9:00PM EST TLC
As I mentioned, I don’t watch this show, but tonight features a new episode called “You Don’t Know Boo!” as a highlight of the most memorable moments from Season 1. Looks like the stars are aligning for me to jump on board.
Bo Jackson’s plastic hip is spinning in his grave.
10: Screen Actors Guild Awards 8:00PM EST TBS and TNT
You know an award show is good when it is off of basic cable and is being televised simultaneously on Turner networks. Anyone looking to see what Dick Van Dyke is up to, be sure to tune in.
First Off the Board: Replay of Australian Open Men’s Final 7:30PM EST ESPN2
I guess ESPN2 is going after people that don’t have internet access and have missed the 4 other replay airings they will show throughout the day. Is this being forced down by the NFL to increase Pro Bowl ratings?